10.01.2008

Is This Sweet?: Case Study #1

See other posts in the "Is this sweet?" series.

Who is he?: T. Boone Pickens
What is he?
: 117th wealthiest person in US, HUGE oil tycoon, chairs hedge fund for British Petroleum, knows everything about energy and tells it to you straight.
Where is he?: United States, some huge mansion on a to scale oil rig replica
Why is he?: He cares about YOU! He sees that we are in the midst of an energy crisis and he's providing America with a non-partisan, no bullshit energy plan that causes some to cry "drill baby drill!!!" and others to sigh and say "shit... ok, fine. you can drill...maybe... oh oh fine, yeah you're right..."

Is T. Boone Pickens sweet? Let's take a closer look.

"Yes, he is sweet."
1. Watch this PickensPlan video
How
straight was that talk? He didn't hug any flora, didn't kiss any fauna. T. Boone is about solutions, not saying "No!" Suck on that Apple using-Prius driving-Starbucks drinking-non-meatatarian-commie-enviromentalists who are just as dependent on oil as every other American! How do you plan on driving to Trader Joe's if gas costs $10/gal?
2. He's
non-partisan. This isn't about Obama or McCain. This is about America. Who better than a multi-billion dollar captialist to look after all us little people? Some might even say he's post-partisan. Country First.
3. One word: BooneCam


"No, he is not sweet."
1. Lou Dobbs thinks he's sweet. (For those new to the concept of "Is this sweet?" the proof of this statement is in the transitive property of sweetness, or in this case "not sweetness." Lou Dobbs is not sweet. Lou Dobbs thinks T. Boone Pickens is sweet, therefore T. Boone is not sweet. It's not an exact science but it works in this case.)
2. The Swift Boat Challenge. His affiliation with and outright support of this atrocious ad campaign in the 2004 election that arguably cost Kerry (ok, he's not that sweet) the presidency and ensured four more years of Bush calls into question his non-partisan/post-partisan claims.
3. Natural gas isn't as sweet as oil.

So is T. Boone Pickens sweet???
After reviewing the evidence, I have to say yes, he is sweet. His motives may be questionable, his affiliations may make you queasy, and the Republicans using him as justification to stick a drill in every National Park and kill every fish, caribou, and polar bear in the process, making Thom Yorke lose sleep and thus putting off the next live Radiohead webcast for a few days... all these things may make you question his sweetness. BUT C'MON! His name is fucking T. Boone Pickens, he's made barrels and barrels of money since the 1970s off oil, and every Dad in America thinks he rules. Suck it up and get on board the Pickens train to energy independence.

6 comments:

leaves n' leavin said...

sorry, i can't figure out why the font got small at the end. it's really pissing me off.

OKAAAAAAAAAAAYGUYS said...

yeah that font size is clearly not sweet

Andy Beers said...

i absolutely approve this concept of individual "is this sweet?" case studies. so much can me learned! you rose to the occasion, mcclendon

Andy Beers said...

*be learned

devan said...

david, i'm thoroughly impressed.

also, proof of sweetness: THAT ACCENT

devan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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