Evaluate the Mack: Chi-City Man

See other posts in the "Evaluate the Mack" series.

I'd like to kick off a new Epic Mail series: "Evaluate the Mack." Since I believe we've hit a brief intellectual wall with the concept of sweetness, I figured we could introduce a new series for some variety. This is an extension of Dave's previous exploration of macking. I eschewed the series' initially proposed title, "Macks of the World," since I don't want to exclude any analysis of domestic or hypothetical macks. For those readers who are unfamiliar with the term "macking," I think that "hitting on" will serve as a reasonable short-term substitute. But I humbly request that one of our authors writes a piece that lays down the basics of "the mack."

So, let's move on to our first case study:

Some possible names for this mack: the beverage mack, the drink mack, the fridge mack, or the "prepared" mack. I think that "the beverage mack" is most apt, since it clearly describes a drink-centered mack while emphasising variety. Since this mack is hypothetical (rather than field-tested in the video) we can only speculate as to its efficacy.

Despite the flashy display of drinks, our subject -- let's call him Canard -- hints at the true foundation of his mack: comfort. Clearly, this comfort mack is a solid choice. It's often overlooked, but let's not forget the glowing endorsement of mater pickup artist Mystery. So Canard has bet his money that an expansive drink selection will put women at ease, thus enhancing his potential to woo them. Solid, Canard, solid.

Did anyone else find it bizarre, though, that only TWO of the drinks in his collection were alcoholic? Can you achieve as efficient a mack with cherry coke as you can with an alcoholic drink? Can you trust a man who chooses his drink without any consideration for taste, but only for political gain? Won't women just see his fridge and say, "What kind of a grown man has a fridge full of drinks, and clearly no room for food aside from a handful of frozen pizzas?"

Thus, I must conclude that the fundamentals of this mack are strong, but it is poorly executed.

Yalls' opinions?


devan said...

i'd rate this mack highly based on the TWO (2) bottles of spray "butter product"

a man after my own heart.

Becca said...

please tell me you know that The Pick Up Artist 2 premieres this Sunday?!

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