Evaluate the Mack: Kidz Edition

See other posts in the "Evaluate the Mack" series.

I realize that the following video has been making the rounds in various William & Mary circles, which is precisely why I think it deserves discussion in this particular forum:

Thus far, it seems to me like most of the Tribal conversation has revolved primarily around two positions:

1. The predictable, aggrieved feminist approach, whose proponents are somehow convinced that a 9-year old represents a particularly insidious next-gen, 21st century form of patriarchy, OR

2. A more reasonable "who really gives a shit, but this is still incredibly bizarre" response, to which I am decidedly more sympathetic.

I would probably respond to position 1 with something resembling position 2, but with an important omission, namely its preliminary rhetorical question. I would do so because, to put it bluntly, "I give a shit." In fact, I give a mammoth shit. And the obvious reason: this kid's mack is clearly off the charts. I find myself not only compelled to listen to Alec's advice, but to run to my nearest bookseller and purchase every copy of this book in stock. I challenge any woman who objects to his comparison of the fairer sex to "cars that need a lot of oil" to spend ten minutes alone in a room with this kid. I think we both know what would happen.

Let's look more closely at his specific advice:

• "When you want to get a girl's attention, you don't want to be flapping your arms like a crazy mad man."
  
• "...what could happen is that you could keep saying words and it would scare the girl."
  
• "If she says hi back, you're off to a good start."
  
• "Don't give her gifts unless its a special occasion, like a school dance or something."
  

Move over, Mystery. There's no need for complex lexicons of acronyms, or half-assed "magic tricks" to win a lady's heart. Here are four noble truths: Don't flap your arms around, don't talk too much, make sure she says "hi," and give gifts only occasionally. Perhaps it's this elegant simplicity that I've been neglecting my whole life. Maybe the mack isn't nearly as complicated as we've often envisaged on this site. Would Alec need a fridge-full of beverages for any occasion like our friend Chi-City? Clearly not - limb stasis, reticence, casual greetings, and bi-semesterly chocolates. Boom.

Whatever the potentially patriarchal or heteronormative implications of this particular 9-year old's musings (do people still use the word "heteronormative" seriously?), I believe that children, including Alec, are undeniably our future. And if I'm right, then the future of the mack is very promising indeed.