2009 YouTube Roundup

In the new year, let's try not to ask ourselves, "Hey, I wonder how much of my life I've wasted on youtube watching videos of people crashing four-wheelers?" Mostly because I've done the searching for you.

1.) London Police Shoot Crackhead Robber Dead on his Doorstep!!

Before you get ruffled, let me be clear that this video is fiction, and has only a tenuous relationship with any of the words in its title.



In this video, our British auteur creates a chilling vision of a dystopian future populated with unintelligible clones. The narrative begins with the following summary: "It's the year 2020. There are no more prisons. The police no longer take prisoners.....they just kill suspects! The police death squads are controlled by Inspector Lewis. Undercover officer Leroy Stretch Riggs controls the streets!" What ensues is a movie that strives to take itself seriously, but ultimately remains a badly-shot video of one guy's mouth spiced with old stock footage from some police movies. This is the video I imagine DJ Idris (Stringer Bell) making after he got killed on The Wire. I'm going to attribute the majority of the 333,000 views to the hilariously misleading title.

2.) Brokencyde -- Freaxxx (Music Video)


Brokencyde - Freaxxx (Music Video) from Eat Cake Films on Vimeo.

For the sake of brevity, I will not address the concept of "genre" as it relates to this video. What I would like to point out, however, is the hilarity of the pink-shirt guy who single-handedly redeems this song by screaming at all sorts of inappropriate times. Apparently he also loves screaming into the ears of girls who are nonplussed, but also bored. Also he chokes them sometimes, or something? These suburban 19-year-olds are trying to teach me one thing: I have lived my life all wrong.

3.) Creepy Banana Firework Performance Art Guy



All of the nightmares that collected in the recesses of my brain have been instantly erased by the singular vision of this person's banana-clad face. It's something about that mask underneath the bananas -- so melted, so inhuman.